Me, Myself and I: The Link.
Comfortability is one’s skin always holds a lot of ground in a lot of things one does, a topic which hits hard. Holding your ground in a lot of things; be it looks, beliefs, thoughts and values are key in this area. Many a time, expectations are no longer farfetched as many feel they should expect nothing positive from those around. In the end, solitude is the best.
Many cases bring about a lot of things like we all understand that when many minds started prospering, the country bills it. If one changes the mode of operation, technology snatches it. May seem unfair, but overall it is ecstatic, and in the end, we wing it. Surely it will all end, but for now, changes occur.
Life has always been ever revolving around me, literally. It is like playing a game, where you are the character and the world you see is the character's view but your perspective because in the end, it is your game. More than half of the time I preach perspective because I live in my world, and no one else. It is also the same for others; many opinions about a topic, many feelings about a thing, and in life many things going on all at the same time. Pretty much like shooting a scene with different angles, this case is another person. Sometimes our worlds collide, other than that, we live in ours.
Ever had that linking personality barge into your world, pave ways for you, and give you a path? Well, I have.
Seyz has always been a character, to begin with from day one. Not only with smiling faces and subtle gazes, at your doorstep but with smirking gazes and angry faces at your neck. I had always been one to follow and analyse, nothing more nothing less. With watchful eyes, and like a stalker in the night. No crowd of my asides the constant character I force into my space. That did not matter to Seyz because;
One- never cared
Two- was happy
Three- everything came with benefits
My earlier days with him were purely a dictatorship, with myself as the ruler and Seyz doing my bidding. This was way before nursery school days where my sweet and happy freedom were snatched away from me. The issue of not wanting to go to school at first came and went all in the name of he would be there with me. I lived like his shadow and being a bother to many around him by the time we were in primary school. I had him anyway, none of that mattered as though I still made quite an amount of friends amidst all issues. Primary school went by giving me a hint that one should prepare for the worst. Friendships were made, some severed, and the majority lost. Only a handful stayed and went as far as home.
The start of high school was the worst as the last hope for a lasting friendship was severed. Seyz got admitted into another school. It was a great challenge as solitude settled in the most despairing manner. The compulsion in spending a lot of time in a foreign area with no one to personally relate with was demeaning.
Everyone was going through the same transition with the only difference in their approach to it. It was impossible to say that it was all going to work well but close enough. Formation of cliques and friendships started Some pretended and were good at it, many just rolled with whatever, and most I could see were gonna be together long-term. The highlight of that time was my awareness of people's motives, at least, those around my age, it was cool. Sometimes, I craved for what they had with others.
This created a severed hole at that young age, forcing me to make groundbreaking mistakes and severe changes in my way of thinking. All in the name of forming relations with people like what others had.
After all, no one could be flawless and my greatest flaw was "people".
Getting into trouble was not new but being the one to get into trouble was. That had always been Seyz role in our friendship, so it was new to me. It was so new to the extent that I had made “acquaintances” with the wrong crew, and they did crazy things 10-year olds shouldn’t at the time. In the end, parents were involved alongside great scolding. It was an eye-opener as a young child that people were not all they seemed.
The next year was the start of something new, Seyz transferred to my school.
He was always the social one of the two of us, we lot of time for ourselves. I knew his movement by heart as I could predict his location. I was miss goody two shoes as my last year had shown me pepper and finally, I was happy I had someone to hold on to. He made friends easily and I joined his clique easily. I was always welcome even with my weird ways, and stupid speeches. Most times, I stayed quiet and just listened to their chats and imagined for more than I could ever get. I was way behind in my studies due to my abstract issues and lost some time. By the time high school was over, he was out and I, not.
My life has adapted perfectly well with him in my business all the time. His clique moved on to another level, without me. After all, they’d never have me unless he was in the picture. That, I believed and still believe.
I was the stereotyped outcast, the forever nobody, and shadow to the most important character in my life. After all, I had no name to many. I was always called with regards to Seyz. I never minded.
I was alone, and it finally dawned on me.
Physical friendships didn’t mean anything if there was a dot of doubt.
I was forever alone.
Moving alongside a voice saying, something bad was about to go down. It was my voice; in my head, my mind, my body and soul. It was constant.
Seyz talked to me, and it was saddening. I relied on him for almost everything, that wasn’t unnoticeable. It felt as though we’d never be cool again as the sudden change took its toll on me. At the end of the wholesome talk, we stayed in contact.
I maintained my corner but tested the waters in others. Some were successful, and some, not. I tried anyway, I lived through the remainder of high school with some understanding acquaintances turned friends.
By the time I reached college, catching up was hard. I had just adapted to high school for crying out loud. I now had to live in another entity of life. Adapting began once again, Afterall, it was just the beginning.
Tale for another time.
To Seyz, I am forever grateful.
Solitude is seen as the answer for almost everything, even though not advised. Abstract things like trust, happiness and patience come into play in most things. One may not have a physical character, will or time to break the barriers, but it is certainly nice to have one to aid in these cases. It is up to you to choose them wisely as they could be your link to holding yourself together at all times.
You name yours.
Thank you for reading.
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